Lately, I’m jealous. 

I am jealous of the people I know that don’t have jobs, don’t worry about paying bills, don’t have a car or a home of their own but who just live and somehow things work out for them. 

You know what would happen if I just skipped out on rent for a few months….that wouldn’t happen, after the first month I would be evicted and homeless.  Do you know where I would get money if  I quit my job….I WOULDN’T, I would be broke.  When my car is running shitty or not running at all…I fucking walk or I stay home.

How is it that there are these people who manage to not need to catch a break because they are fucking living the break.

Whats worse for me is that the people I know that get to live the life of a fulfilled wanderer are the most shitty fucking people I have ever met.  

I don’t lie, I don’t steal (well except for my neighbors wifi), I don’t fuck people over, I don’t make promises that I can’t keep, people don’t doubt my integrity and yet somehow this mother fucker who is the total opposite is basking in the sun with a fucking blunt and glass of lemonade while some sucker takes care of them.

Yeah I’m gaining some real life experience here working this 8-4 job and paying my pg&e bill and sure I have the satisfaction of knowing I don’t need anyone to help me out, I can take care of myself but I’m over the rigidity and mundane-ness of my life.

Sometimes I like to day dream about packing a bag and leaving and just seeing how far I can get but you know why I never do it…..

because I have responsibilities….

but really because deep down I’m a fucking scaredy cat.